I worry about everything. I mean EVERYTHING! I worry about our finances: Are we going to be able to afford all of our bills and have enough leftover after groceries and whatnot to get through to the next payday? Can we get some of our debt paid off so that less is going out each month? Will we ever be able to actually save enough to go on a nice family vacation? I worry about my parenting skills: Am I really a good mom? Will I teach my kids to always do what's right? Do I make enough time for my kids to read to them, play with them, and teach them how to spell? I worry about being a wife: Am I the supportive wife that I should be? Do I give enough of myself to my husband (heart and soul)? I worry about our future: What kind of position will we be in when it's time to retire? Will we ever be able to buy our own home? These are just a few of the things I worry about and trust me I know some of these things may seem ridiculous or even so trivial to worry about on a regular basis. I know that I really am doing my best to manage everything, but I can't seem to get a grip on reality and just calm my mind. I wish I could turn some of these worries into daydreams. I don't sit at my desk and dream about things...ever. I worry. That's what I do. Plain and simple. Or I guess you could say complicated because daydreaming would be much more simple.
At times, my constant worrying can get so overwhelming that I develop a crazy amount of anxiety and I don't know how to handle it. Thankfully I have a great support system. J is my rock when I am at my worst. He is pretty much the opposite of me and doesn't worry about things like I do. This is a good thing or our household would be a wreck! My mom and my sister are also always helping me, even when it's just that little nudge to tell you "hey, it's all going to be just fine." I need that on a pretty regular basis.
I think I am going to write this bible verse on a piece of paper and carry it with me everywhere as a reminder that I need to let go. I can't control everything (although sometimes I wish I could plan out my entire life).
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~ Matthew 6:34, New International Version
I need to concentrate on freeing my mind of what might happen and focus on what is happening at this moment. My big goal for 2012 is to focus more on my husband and my kids and to try not to worry so much about the little things because the worry will not change anything or get me anywhere. It will only give me more headaches.
My prayer for today is that we can all find peace and not worry about tomorrow or what may come.